How Do I Explain This?

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*This next installment/chapter (whatever we are calling them) will be told from Leighton's perspective. However, in order to set things up it will start as a continuation of where you left off with Marcus "speaking".

 

 

"Marcus"

 

   Hoping not to add any extra stress on Leighton if she overheard the two of us, my grandmother and I went outside and walked slowly over to the main house at the Walkers' where many of our loved ones were meeting up for dinner.

 

  "Grand-mom, did I do the right thing? I feel like I should have waited until we were alone and not said…" I tried to get out while pushing my daughter in her stroller, hating what happened only moments before.

 

  "No, child. You will not welcome the demon that was just trying to enter your wife. Marcus, I know you had to have felt it. If you need to use common logic to think correctly on it now, then ask yourself if you would have been able to go all evening keeping the door you have just found, hidden from your family. I think you know you only did what you were supposed to do. Like I said, Leighton will have her moments, but she is very smart, and she likes to be right…" I laughed at just how accurate that was, effectively lightening the mood and preventing her from having to finish.

 

   "It's so hard to see her broken like that," I admitted right before we opened the door to the Walker's and I was grateful that most of the people there for dinner were already busy eating. Atalia apologized for the two of us being late and Harrison stood immediately when he heard that his daughter was lying down. After he scrapped his plate and rinsed it in the sink, he came over to me where I met him with a tight lip grin.

 

   "Is she okay? I just saw her at the ranch less than an hour ago, and she was fine. Should I bring her something to eat?" Unsure how to answer him since I knew how strong their bond was. I also knew I would feel the same if it were my daughter, but I didn't want to send him there without having any information.

 

Before I could think of what to say, or not to say, Atalia came to my rescue,      "She may not want food yet, but I am sure you will be just what she needs." at which I lifted my brow in confusion as I looked her way.

 

I was glad she was sure because that was nowhere near what I was going to say, and when she smiled at me, I figured, she was more than likely right.

 

When I took my seat beside her, she let me know, "You need to stop overthinking and be present with your family in love. Your Creator will tell you what to say and when to say it. He does not need you to put out the fires from hell. It's okay to eat, and it's okay to be, for now."

 

 

 

"Leighton"

 

 

   "L.P. you in here?" I heard my dad call out to me after cracking open the door to the room I was in. I'm not sure why his voice caused the tears that were slightly falling to all but pour from my eyes as I began full-blown sobbing as I had in the bathroom.

 

Feeling the need to fix things, I'm sure, my dad rushed beside me and lifted my upper body so he could slide his larger frame next to mine on the bed, where he could hold me in his arms. Seemingly desperate to find out what was wrong he asked, "Oh, princess. What happened, are you hurt?"

 

   "Yes. No. Daddy, I am angry. I am scared. I…I don't even know." pulling his upper body back a bit after clearly slipping into a protective mood, he snapped, "Why did your husband leave you like this?"

 

Appreciating his intention but wanting to make it clear, I let him know, "No, Daddy. I asked him to go. I needed to be alone. Wait...Daddy, Marcus didn't do anything wrong or to me. He just told me that everything I ever believed was a lie and I'm not handling it well." I got out and tucked myself back against his chest and squeezed.

 

   "Leighton Penelope, I am going to need more than what you are giving me, sweetheart. Right now, you aren't making any sense, and you definitely haven't taken Marcus out of my crosshairs." He said while rubbing my back in a circle.

 

I tried to explain the best that I could and was a bit shocked when after he asked, "Do you believe what he said?" and after I nodded, he came back with,

 

   "I'm not sure why you're stumbling over this then. Maybe I am missing something, so let me see if I got this right. To me, it seems as if you were in the right game, playing for the right team but maybe you were second string. Leighton you know that rule book, you've read it more times than most pastors do in their lifetime, so you have down, L.P. Why is the fact that Marcus told you His name making you feel like you've been sidelined or ejected from the game altogether?" I am not sure why I expected anything less from my dad. He was a coach through and through, but the way he just threw it out there got me digger deeper hoping that I'd be able to try and put into words what I was feeling.

 

   "Because Daddy, I feel like something in me was wrong. Why, as you've said, after loving His word, after truly thinking I was living for Him did He not show Himself to me? Why let me fall so in love with the wrong names, the very names of the deceiver? I hate that I fell for the lie. I hate that I did something so wrong that He wouldn't tell me, He wouldn't lead me to the light." and I broke again.

 

   "But sweetheart that can't be true. You have allowed Him to lead you. Hold on. This is a name thing nothing more right? If it's more, then I am going to have to get some information for myself because I am sure of the One I pray to. I may not have known His name, but I have seen His mighty hand in all parts of my life. I'm going to get your husband…" Before he could say anything more, there was a knock at the door.

 

   "I'm sorry. I tried not to interrupt, but it's my wife, Harrison. I hope you understand." Marcus said as he peeked into the door he cracked open after his knock and let us know he was there.

 

My dad blew out a breath, clearly torn but respecting that my husband loved me as much as he promised he would. "That's fine, but are we switching up all kinds of names here now? I'm dad, remember? Let's go out in the living room, shall we? I think we all need to talk." My dad said hoping to clear the heaviness a bit while also making it known he wanted more information.

 

   "Before we go, I need to tell you that Lucas is here. I am not sure what to say, but I knew I needed him, so I figured if I was going to have to tell you, which I was pretty sure would be the case, I didn't need divine intervention to imagine how you'd find my wife." I did give a slight chuckle at that last part and was glad when my dad and Marcus both smiled a bit as well.

 

I blew out two quick and hard breaths and said, "Let's do this." earning me another smile from two of the men in my life that I was beyond grateful to have been gifted.

 

 

   "Listen, I am not sure what I am feeling but I know it's big. I can feel that much. And I also feel like we need to be praying but…" Marcus nodded and blew out a breath. He looked up and simply said, "He knows, and He is all over it. But, if you don't mind. I need to start all of this off by saying I have a brother, and I am going to call him if you don't mind. I need reinforcement. Well, that is not true. I just think his knowledge will be helpful and…hold up, I mean, please excuse me for a minute."

 

I wanted to say wait what?…because as my husband said it for the second time- the first time the name news caused me to momentarily forget he told me he had a brother when he first shared with me and Atalia when he got home. Instead, I took a seat at the counter while my dad and Lucas chose the couch. We all sat quietly as we listened to Marcus as he talked to his brother (I assumed since he said that was who he was calling) on his phone.

 

   "Benji…I'm not sure if you meant only moments after we parted, that I could call, but I am in a bit of a pickle." He began, and then explained, "It seems I pulled the pin and I am terrified that I made a mess of things…Would you? Oh, I was hoping you'd be okay with it. Yeah, wait I'm sure it will be okay, but hold on…Lucas, do you think your parents will be okay if…How many? Oh…okay…If four adults and two children come by?" Marcus let who I was now certain was his brother know they were welcomed, and where to find us when they got here.

 

   "Okay, he said it will take them about a half hour to get here so I will try to do my best and give you what I know while we wait"

 

Marcus tried to tell it all again.

He was just as sure as he was the first time and he was calm. He held my hand like he did then too, but as he spoke that undeniable peace washed over me again, and I felt as if my soul was instructing me to, be still.

 

   "So, it is just a name, or is there more? Am I missing something?" my dad asked and turned to me before Marcus could confirm or correct him. "L.P., try this, sweetheart. Think of it as you've now been leveled up. Do you remember how old you were when you learned for the first time that my name wasn't 'daddy'? I think you were five maybe six, nevertheless, you still knew me because you are mine, and in some ways, you even knew me more intimately than the people who already knew my name was Harrison." Being caught up as my father tried so hard to ease whatever it was inside of me that had me in tears when he showed up, I was a bit startled when there was a knock on the door.

 

It was Joshua, letting us know that our visitors had arrived, and after he clearly guessed he walked in on something heavy, he offered a bit of sarcasm to lighten the mood a bit, "You know, I'll give you a pass brother, since Danny already knew who 3 of the 6 newcomers were and got busy introducing them to everyone, but for your information that's not cool man. I would have liked to know that I had another brother. Lucas probably would have liked to have known too." At that, the names mentioned all laughed while Marcus sarcastically apologized. After my husband kissed me, he let my father and me know he hoped the newcomers would be able to help bring more clarity.

 

   "Marcus, can I talk to you real quick before we go, please?" I asked and squeezed my husband's hand. After he assured me it was okay and let the fellas know we'd joined them in a few, I waited until the door closed and threw myself into his arms. Lifting me just as he always did when I fell into him, he carried me onto the sofa and sat with me on his lap.

 

   "I can't wait to meet your brother. I'm sorry I skipped that part earlier, but I want you to tell me all about your day later, okay? I really want to hear about everything. I love you, Marcus." he didn't need to say anything because he kissed me. In his kiss, I felt as if it was all going to work itself out somehow. Sure, the road ahead was more than likely going to be bumpy and maybe even filled with all sorts of twists and turns, but I knew that the man holding me was the one made for me, just as much as I believed it was the truth from the beginning.

 

 

 

    I didn't need Marcus to tell me who his brother was. I could see the resemblance, especially in his smile. The thinner, slightly lighter-skinned man I was introduced to as "Benji" had a presence about him that was refreshingly familiar even though I was certain we had never met before.

 

His daughter, "Cheyenne", took to me instantly and I must say, she was precious. She loved talking to Kalisa and the way the two of them seemed to be in their own little world, I felt as if they knew they were connected somehow. I found myself looking up and smiling at the stars that seemed to twinkle all the more brightly above us.

 

Benji brought his grandfather, Samuel, his grandmother, Ruth, his wife, Shiloh, and their son, who had been named after his father, Bīnyāmīn-who it turns out was only a few weeks older than Kalisa; born the day before Beth's youngest son.

 

I couldn't help but slip away to find Beth once I took in the scene unfolding before my eyes. It felt so much like we were on the set of "Eclipse" when Bella heard for the first time about the tribe's secrets.

 

   "Can you believe this…I think our moms feel the same way too. Look at them." I teased my best friend and rested my head on her shoulder.

 

Samuel shared some of the history of what we were told was the Old Testament. He knew the stories as if they were his own, and after listening to every word he spoke I found myself at peace when Marcus sat next to me on the other side with our daughter where I shifted slightly to lean into him. Beth held my hand as she leaned on her husband. The entire group of our loved ones sat together by the fire and listened to what was being shared.

 

   "What you have heard is a lot for most people, but I will say that if ever a larger group of people would be receptive to Abba Yahuah's Truth, I believe it to be you." At that, all heads turned when Elizabeth stood up and walked away. Her mother-in-law, Julie, and her husband Lucas got up to follow after her but all I could hear was when Julie told Lucas to "stay", assuring him she would take care of his wife for him.

 

   

As the night went on, I found myself wishing it would never end, but there were a lot of children who were more than ready for bed.

 

   "I'm not sure if you would be willing to stay here or if not, perhaps you'd be willing to come back, but I don't think I will ever be tired of listening to all of your wisdom." Andrew offered, to which Samuel thanked him with a warm smile and said, "All of you must remember that the oil in the lamps is His Word. He will give you His wisdom, just as He has promised you already. No matter what you hear from anyone, even those claiming to be Set Apart- should never take the place of your Father speaking the Truth to you Himself. What you have been taught about Him wanting a personal relationship with those Who call upon Him in Truth is correct. From this moment on, you will have to seek Him. I will be happy to help guide you and answer your questions, but I encourage you to open His Word."

 

"We teach our children and any of our newly awakened people to read at least one chapter each day starting from the beginning and going straight through. I will be happy to exchange numbers with anyone who feels led. Any of you who call on the name of Yahuah and the Mashiach, Yahusha are now, my family. We are forever one, in Him." I wasn't sure what that meant fully but I did have hope for the future.

 

I was grateful that I had an "in" when Samuel was getting ready to leave. Lucas, and my husband both walked our visitors to their vehicle, so I got to hear what was said before we all parted for the night.

 

   "We will be praying that your wife will be okay. Please do not hesitate to reach out if you need us. This way of life, the gathering of the nations is not received by many. Yahusha speaks of this when he tells us that the path is narrow and says few will find it. I can assure you that in my own lifetime, I have seen many that were led right to the door that leads to the Way, and yet they chose what they already knew just as the Pharisees did when they decided to kill the Almighty's Son. It was not my intention to make any of you believe you are alone- I just wanted to make sure each of you knew that the faith of many isn't the answer. While it is indeed a gift when we are given a family of like-minded people in faith, one must decide for themselves to seek Him in Truth."

 

I knew the Truth of what he said, and yet I found myself hoping that everyone around me (myself included), would walk the path that led to righteousness. While I hoped my motives were pure, I prayed at that moment that I wasn't being selfish and that I figured He would show me in time. I knew without a doubt, that I would be seeking Him- (nonstop if I had to) in hopes that one day I would be able to share my faith the way Samuel had by the fire.

 

 

   "Baby, tell me what you're thinking. I feel like you're lighter in a sense but I have no clue." Marcus asked after he placed our daughter in her crib.

 

   "I'm thinking that I want to take a bath with you, and I want to just talk, and then I want to start in the beginning like Samuel instructed, and find my Father. I want so bad to read Scripture with you, but I feel…" I began, and Marcus pulled me in while agreeing, once he sensed I was getting choked up,

 

   "No no no baby. It's okay, I feel it too. I am also convinced He is going to show us how we can honor Him together." He said and lifted me where he carried me into our bathroom and placed me on the edge of the tub as he began to fill it. The two of us talked just as I hoped and when we were in the bubble-filled tub, I let him know, "You know, I felt peace, I told you that already, but Marcus, I could feel when the darkness tried to pull me away. I am so grateful your grand-mom was there and she knew what to do. Even though I was broken, I was able to feel Him move and rip the darkness right out of me. That's when there was no denying, I knew it was all True. Also, honestly…feeling that take place inside of me I hope I never feel the dark side of the battle- He told us we are fighting against, like that- again. He said, Marcus…He told us it was spiritual and…" I trailed off blowing out an audible breath.

 

   "I know, baby. I know. I don't mean to make light of anything, but I sort of feel like we have leveled up, like your dad said. Like we were given this password that opened the door for us, and the moment we chose to turn the knob and cross the threshold, we unlocked an entire world that is just waiting for us to explore. A world that He will lead us through." he said as he stroked my collarbone with the tips of his fingers.

 

   "I get that, but there's a part of me that can't let go of Samuel's parting words too. How many people do you think we will lose?" I asked. Something in me wasn't foolish enough to believe it would be that easy, while the person who loved every single one of the people in our melting pot of a family clung to a hope that I prayed, would be enough.

 

I knew Marcus wasn't thrilled when he heard Beth's voice calling from the living room, but I'm sure it was more than likely because we were in the tub still. Thankfully, she knew enough not to intrude, but as I'm sure you already know, she and I were two peas in a pod. Besides, I was quite sure the best friend, as well as the pastor in my husband, had to believe that our loved ones would have questions. I mean sure it was late, but we all live on the same ranch and if talking to one another helped people get a peaceful night's rest (whatever would be left of it that is), then it didn't matter what time it was.

 

 

   Beth was waiting just outside the front of our place with Josh, Danny, and Lily.

 

   "Who's with your children?" Marcus asked Josh since we already knew that the baby monitors worked the distance from our place to the loft where Danny and Lily lived with their two children, but no means were strong enough to span the distance between ours. Besides, it was too far to leave them alone even if it had worked. Danny and Lillie's children weren't infants. Sure, their daughter was still technically a baby, but she'd be fine having to wait a minute if for some reason she woke up while they were across the yard with us.

 

   "We dropped them off at the main house. Butch is reading Genesis to our boys since he said he wouldn't be getting any sleep and then thanked Yah for Juan, and Guy." Josh answered, and Danny quickly jumped in, "Um, speaking of Genesis…I'm going to have to read this stuff for myself now, aren't I? I mean so far, I was on board with all of you sharing the details with me. That ain't gonna work anymore, is it?" He asked and it was clear he already knew the answer but still wanted to throw it out there.

 

   "I'm afraid not, babe." His wife answered. "Listen, you all know I leaned a bit more on the new age side, even though I believed in the Messiah, but after tonight I feel as if something in me woke up and is calling me to draw near to hear what He has to say. I've never felt like that before. Sure, I sought before, and believed I understood what I found- I was good with it. But this, this was…" Lily started by admitting her feelings.

 

   "Well, hallelujah! That's an answered prayer." Beth said, half teasing while yet wholly praising the Almighty for answered prayers.

 

   "Josh, you're being quiet. What's up?" Marcus asked and apart from me being able to feel when he squeezed my hand tighter, came across as if he was as cool as a cucumber.

 

   "Me? Well, I'm not really sure why it's such a shock to people. Don't get me wrong, the deception side of it made the soldier in me want to suit up for battle, but I mean, my wife just said it. It was never hidden really. I've been calling Him all the names He made sure He left in plain sight anyway. But even so, even after the enemy gave it his all to deceive the world, It was right there all along." He started and I couldn't wait for what he was going to say next because I struggled. I felt as if I hadn't proved myself enough to be privy to the name of the One I believed I loved with all my heart. I found myself squeezing Marcus's hand in return as I waited for what Josh had apparently seen that I hadn't.

 

   "The word 'Halal' means 'praise' that is the translation from both Hebrew as well as Aramaic and Arabic, I believe…so we say, we sing, HA-LA_LU-Yah and we've done it this whole time. Granted, I can't say I made the connection that His name was in fact, 'Yah' until it was told to me tonight, but I couldn't help but feel a bit fist-pumpy that the Almighty only proved He is the One True Elohim. As far as the cross and all the rest, to be honest, we all should have been seeing that for what it was."

 

I wasn't prepared for the wave of relief that washed over me when he shared what he had, but I dropped my husband's hand, ran over the few steps separating me from Joshua, and threw my arms around his neck.

 

   "Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing that. You are right. I didn't miss Him, I just didn't have eyes to see yet. Oh, Beth you sure did pick a winner." I teased and then I returned to my husband with a genuine smile on my face.

 

When he pulled me into his arms, I felt for the first time that night that both the life I had been familiar with, and the one I would be facing with the new knowledge wasn't something I had to fear. I just had to keep on trusting Him.