"Lucas"

 

   Watching my wife walk away from me when I knew she was crying was almost too hard for me to bear. I felt as if I was being tested. Not by my Maker in the sense that most people refer to when they say they feel as if they're being tested, but mine was by my wife. I had no idea what would happen if I chased after her when she told me not to, and even though I didn't want to, something in me told me to let her go.

 

In the beginning, Elizabeth fought her feelings for me, but once I made it clear that I wasn't trying to replace the father of her children, she began to let me in, and we ended up building a beautiful life together. A life I never for a second thought I'd have, but was grateful every second I had for it.

 

I talked to my Heavenly Father while I made our bed, and just when I grabbed the tray holding our now-empty mugs to bring it back downstairs, the doorbell rang. I remembered as I made my way down the stairs that Samuel and Marcus were supposed to be coming over. I called out for whoever it was to come in and was quickly greeted by Marcus as he was letting himself in. My face apparently revealed what I had yet to fully process for myself because he lifted a brow and asked if I was okay.

 

   "I don't think so," I answered and put the tray down on the end of the chaise where we kept it, before grabbing the empty mugs to bring them to the kitchen. I looked back over my shoulder to let Marcus know it was okay to follow, and agreed with his assumption when he guessed something had happened with Elizabeth.

 

   "Marcus, she has some valid points and a part of me loves that she knows her stuff, but, man…I can't, I don't…" I was usually okay talking about my feelings because most of the time, the things I felt were good things. I knew the benefit of seeking counsel and would do anything I could to save my marriage. As I washed the dirty mugs in the sink, I took a moment to force back the tears that were building and readying themselves to fall. It wasn't that I cared about crying in front of others; it was the fact that I had no clue what I was feeling, and I didn't want to be taken out by any emotion until I fully figured things out.

 

Samuel's voice got my attention when he announced his arrival.

 

   "Sorry, I just let myself in. I saw the two of you through the front door and…" he explained, to which I simply nodded and smiled, letting him know it was okay.

 

   "Can I get either of you something to drink?" I offered and decided to make a fresh pot of coffee when they both said they wouldn't mind having a cup.

 

   "So, I sort of overheard the tail end when I was making my way in. Things still aren't going well with Elizabeth?" Samuel redirected the conversation back to where it was when he arrived. I nodded and was hopeful that, if nothing else, at least I knew I had a strong support group around me. Yahuah surrounded me with people I trusted and knew would be praying my wife and me through.

​

   "Is it really just about the law, like she's made known, or do you think there's more to it?" Samuel asked, and while I offered him some details from Elizabeth's past, I used the present situation to fill him in further.

 

   "Oh, that's tough. I don't mean to sound calloused, but there's usually a reason when the Truth is met with an outright no, and many times I have found that Yahuah tells us what it is the more we pray about it. Like with my son. As much as I tried and even Benji has tried, he has too much pride in his heritage and considers both his nephew and me to be traders. It's heartbreaking." Samuel shared as we each took a seat at the kitchen table while the coffee finished brewing.

 

   "The worst part is how bad it's hurting her, and in her hurt, me. I was never jealous of her past before, but now I find myself resenting a person who isn't even alive sometimes. I know that's the enemy because it's ridiculous and I am grateful Yah shows me what it is so I don't allow it to consume me, but it still hurts when she flat out tells me she won't let go of falsehoods because of him. Again, I know it's not really how she feels, but knowing it does little to stop the sting. Today, when she left, I wanted to grab her and lock her in our room until we reached some sort of an agreement, but she insisted I let her go. Scripture says the one who isn't set apart is the one who can leave, and I find myself begging Yahuah that He will make her stay. I know I will love her regardless, and I know my faith is enough for our whole family, but today, something was different. I feel like my wife won't be coming home." This time, when the tears welled in my eyes, I let them fall.

 

   "I am sorry, I can imagine how hard this is for you. Let's pray." Samuel said, and the moment both Marcus and his hands were gripping my shoulders, he lifted my marriage before the Only One that could save it. He prayed for Elizabeth's healing. He prayed that the light of Yahusha would be seen no matter what situation I faced, and he prayed for what each of us should do to help not only my wife but the others in the world who have heard the Truth but for some reason reject it. Almost immediately after Samuel finished praying, there was a knock on the door.

 

 

   "I hope I'm not interrupting anything," my father-in-law, Robert, asked through the screen door and offered a tight-lipped smile when he noticed me wipe my face. I assured him it was okay, and when I opened the screen door between us, formally inviting him in, he pulled me into his arms, where I couldn't help but cry again.

 

   "She's with you, isn't she?" I knowingly asked.

Robert patted my back, and when we turned to take a seat, he confirmed what I had already suspected was true.

 

Marcus handed my father-in-law a fresh cup of coffee, and the three of them greeted one another kindly. I hadn't seen my in-laws much since the night at my parent's that has been officially named the awakening, apart from when we are dropping the kids off at either place and as much as I missed my life with Elizabeth, the Morris's were a part of that life and I missed Robert and Julie too.

 

   "Like I said, I really didn't mean to interrupt, but Lizzie sent me to get her things and I am hoping-if it's alright with the three of you, if maybe you could help me out. I have no idea what to do. I need answers. I've been seeking and praying, but all I feel is lost." Robert shared and took a sip of his coffee clearly hoping to maintain his composure.

 

   "Absolutely. I'm sure we can all agree that you didn't interrupt a thing, and if we can, then we will do our best to help." Marcus answered, and both Samuel and I nodded in agreement.

 

 

Robert shared his hurdles, and to my surprise, he didn't struggle with the law as much as he did with not knowing if the new information was the strong delusion and not what had been originally taught to us.

 

In all fairness, he struggled with the fact that I was once so sure of the very things I was now claiming to be wrong. After all, it was his son Josh's and my own faith that had him digging deeper and walking closer in the first place.

 

   "I think I can answer that one since I was the newest one to sign on to team JC, and now I'm not only diverting the players and asking them to switch teams, but to forget the sport altogether. It seems crazy at first, but the more you try to find the answers without any agenda, then just wanting the Truth-and really wanting to know Who He is, the more He reveals it all to you." Marcus began, but Robert pushed before he could go any further.

 

   "Did it all just click…did you believe instantaneously, or was it a process because let me tell you something…my search has been nothing short of terrifying. This seeking thing led me down one rabbit hole after another, and I'd be lying if I sat here and told you that I am okay with any of it. The name thing didn't bother me all that much; what bothers me is seeing my wife and daughter broken as if my son just died all over again." He got out and stopped to take a sip of his coffee while forcing himself to stare into the cup once he finished.

 

It was Samuel who spoke next.

 

   "I'm not sure how much my brother's here have learned about how far and wide the deception goes, but I can assure you that I am quite informed and can maybe help if you need or want me to." Robert's eyes jumped up and locked onto Samuel's, and the desperation was clear in his look alone. Samuel nodded, letting him know he meant what he said.

 

   "The earth, the moon, Hollywood, school, literally everything I was taught my entire life- is all a lie?!" Robert said, and I could see just how broken the man sitting there was. The two of us may have been feeling things for different reasons, but we both had our entire worlds blown apart.

 

Marcus and Samuel both let out a breath and shook their heads knowingly. I heard people talking about some things, but at the time, they weren't as important to me as getting to the Truth of Who my Maker was. I sat there listening as they each shared what had been revealed to them, and was grateful that Samuel was there to guide them through it. As more and more information was brought up, I realized just how deep the deception was and gained a new perception as to why most of our congregation walked away. I missed so much because I was dealing with my own life and wanting nothing more than to fix things for my wife.

 

   "If it helps any, over on the ranch, we think of it all as more and more proof of just how important our souls are to the Maker that the enemy would go to such extreme lengths to try and keep us separated from Him. Josh really struggled when he learned just how corrupt the world leaders are, and still does sometimes when he thinks about his time overseas." Marcus added, and I took comfort in the way they summed it up so beautifully on the ranch.

 

Our souls are precious to the One Who gave them to us. I knew that before when I was still looking through the scales, simply because He sent His Son to die for us, but now, learning just how far the enemy has gone in hopes we never learn the Truth makes it all the more real.

 

   "I didn't know that about my own son. I hate that this whole thing had the ability to start erecting walls between all the people I love. I don't know what to do. What do I do?" Robert said as he shook his head before resting his face in the palm of his hands.

 

   "Dad…do you believe or are you still struggling with it?" I questioned and squeezed his shoulder in hopes of comforting him.

 

   "At first I didn't know what to think like I said, but Lucas, I know you love Lizzie, the twins, and I know you love the Almighty-whatever His name is…" he began and paused to look up- like I'm pretty sure all of us had when we were trying to figure things out for ourselves. "I know with all of my heart you would never hurt her, or those children, and she is hurting, so it's gotta be real because I believe in my heart- I know with all I have in me that you wouldn't do this if you had a choice. When I read my bible, I don't feel like what ya'll are saying is wrong, but I'm scared of losing my own wife. I can't even talk to her about any of it, which only makes things harder. At this point, I feel like I'm only one nut away from sending myself to the nuthouse." he looked me right in my eyes when he admitted the last part, causing me to move closer, where I pulled him in and hugged him.

 

   "You know, Marcus, I met with your in-laws the other day, and your mother-in-law really had me thinking when she broke down the Old Testament, showing that each covenant was simply the original Law Maker setting up and then enforcing while adhering to a Suzerain/Vassal Treaty. It's really rather straightforward and I appreciate that, now if only everything else would be so simple." Robert shared, and I made a mental note to meet with the Brooks to hear what they've learned as well.

 

   "I knew things would take some time to fall into place, but I can't help but feel as if I have been so caught up in my marriage, and getting to know the One Who made me, that I've forgotten all about His flock," I confessed with true concern for all the people I used to lead at FCC.

 

"It's only been a short time since your scales have been removed, and while it's good to see you yielding to the Ruach, don't forget this is all still new for you. You are finally getting nourished with true spiritual milk, but it is milk. I'm not saying that to be cruel or anything, but I am hoping to stop you from being too hard on yourself. You can't punish yourself for the things you didn't know before you knew them. If anything, you should take comfort that you were still teaching the importance of Yah's laws when you were asleep, unlike many churches that teach a message of lawlessness. My grandson and I have watched many of your teachings, and you weren't far off the path; you just needed to learn His name so you could finally walk down it. Our Creator has been kind enough to allow me to witness the complete transformation that takes place once people accept His name more times than most, and each time it's as if they've been given a key that grants them the ability to open all the doors that lead them closer to Him. You are doing all the right things; they will just take time, and fortunately for you, you are not alone in this. You have quite a large support system, many find themselves alone when they choose to fully live their life for Yahuah." Samuel began and paused to look at the three of us sitting with him at the table in my kitchen.

 

   "Church, the way the deceiver has created it and the way the world has accepted it and even clings to it is nothing at all like Yah designed it to be. That in itself can be a huge struggle for many people." He began again as Marcus nodded, clearly being able to see the path Samuel was leading us down.

 

   "I agree. So many people have the religion part down. I witnessed it my whole life and was disgusted by it until I moved here. So many people, as lost as they are, truly believe with every fiber of their being that they are on the right path because they sing in the choir, go to all the church things, volunteer for this and that, lead some sort of bible study, and live their lives by their own standards of what's good all while being fully lost." Marcus added.

 

   "That's the thing, though, they don't know any better. Their pastors aren't telling them the truth." Robert added, and being a pastor, his words stung a bit.

 

   "You aren't wrong, but you aren't right either. Each person is responsible for their own faith. The teachers, just like we are told in Scripture, are held to a much higher level of judgment, and many, if not most, are false altogether and will be severely punished in time. But the fault lies with choosing the easy path. People are taught that they are under a new covenant that allows them to live their lives however they want, completely ignoring the Commands of Yahuah, just as long as they go to Sunday gatherings and keep up the church narrative purposely meant to keep them separated from the Most High that all is good and they are on the right path. They believe the lies and boast that they are saved without even understanding who they are and what the covenant is. The sad part is is all they have to do is humble themselves and look for the Truth, and they would be given eyes to see how arrogant and way off they are before time runs out. We have a completely lost population led by each generation before them of indoctrinated non-thinkers who, with the invention of the internet, have become the loudest, most ignorantly prideful group of blind leading the blind just as in the days of Noah." Samuel tried to explain, and while Robert was clearly trying to understand what was being said matter-of-factly, it was obvious he had something to say. Noticing just as I had, Samuel stopped and nodded toward Robert, encouraging him to speak his mind.

 

   "I understand, or at least I think I get what you are saying, and I will even completely agree that the scripture I was reading, even though they had been messed with still clearly say we are to seek and that is on us, I still haven't heard any of you offer any clarity on whether or not, or maybe it's who is or what is the strong delusion. I mean, here's what I do know. Few does not equal the number of people who believe they're saved. It also knocks out all of religion in general, which we are commanded not to be a part of, and yet here we all were. Then we have all the traditions of men that the Most High tells us not to partake in, that I can see so clearly now. It's as if when I read the words that have always been there, I can hear this voice asking me why…why are you forsaking Me? But, when I ask Him if this really is the way, I feel like He is silent, like He is waiting for me to see something I am missing."

 

As my father-in-law shared his struggles, I felt my heart pound in my chest. To me it seemed clear that Yahuah was showing him the Truth, like He was holding his hand and walking with him as they got closer and closer to the road that leads to righteousness and now it was the moment where he needed to decided whether or not he was going to walk down it or remain on the familiar path with the woman he loved as well as his daughter.

 

Samuel stared at Robert with a smile on his face that radiated such peace it was almost eerie, while Marcus seemed to have been thinking the same thing as I was, and began to push the seeking man further, hoping he would see that he already knew the answer.

 

   "So, you are seeing and feeling Yah as you search for Him throughout His word, correct?" Marcus began and paused just long enough for Robert to agree with a nod.

 

   "Great! And you said He has shown you that the traditions of men go against His desires, against the covenant He has set up for His people, so then how does the church fit into that covenant, or how does believing what you are learning through the Ruach point to being delusional?"

 

He did have the answer already, and it was obvious that we weren't meant to simply answer it for him, instead, it was something he needed to accept on his own. Part of the reason why we were all so lost in the first place is the deliberately misleading teachings that there's a separation between the people from the first half of the Scriptures and us. We were handed a belief meant to keep us lost and unknowing of who it is that we truly are.

 

Yahuah was trying to show Robert what he was looking for, but as someone who had experienced it myself from the awakened side, it's pretty intense and very intimate. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced in the past, even though I know that Yah had been there doing His thing all along before my eyes were opened. Feeling Him now is altogether different. It's almost like before I was talking to Him on a phone, but now, now I feel Him right there with me in the room. I hear Him so easily, and I take comfort in the fact that He has always been faithful and He has never been the one who lied.

 

   There is nothing new under the sun, and His way isn't confusing. The confusion comes from all the lies and trying to get out of them. Unlearning things, especially things you truly believed were right and glorified the One you call Father, takes a level of humility that most people don't have. Admitting you were wrong and then no longer doing any of those things because He shows you how much He despises it all and wants no part of it is something that seems radical to a world where traditions and religion are the accepted g-ds and are worshiped everywhere under the delusion of honoring the One most don't even know and yet have convinced themselves otherwise.

 

   

   "I do feel different. I do know something has changed, but…" Robert began again, only to stop short, clearly caught up in the words he didn't want to speak.

 

This-I knew. This was exactly how I was feeling, and in that moment, he met my eyes before closing them as he forced himself to swallow. I grabbed his hand and squeezed.

 

   "How do I…how do'ya walk away from your heart?" At that, my own tears began to fall.

 

   "It does feel like that, but dad, please know I will never walk away from her. I love her, and I still believe she is a gift and we are meant to be together. All I can do, all you can do, is continue loving them. Let the Ruach lead and trust that there's still hope as long as their hearts keep beating." Going through this myself was hard, and having someone I love have to go through it as well was not at all what I would've wanted. Sure, having someone who understood your heartbreak offered a semblance of camaraderie, but no one in their right mind would ever want to know that someone else had to go through that sort of hell as well.

 

   "Lizzie sent me here, Lucas, to get her stuff, but I came because I knew I needed to make a decision on whether or not I could walk this path. I see it so clear, so so clear. I know what's at stake, but I don't know how to take my focus off the things I see all around me. I've been in love with my wife since I was a boy. My life altogether has been a pretty decent one, apart from losing one of my boys, that is, and I know that all the things I see here will eventually fade away, but I still have to see them. I still have to live each day knowing that nothing will ever be the same as it was the moment I put one foot in front of the other down the path that will last for eternity, and I shamelessly don't know if I am strong enough to do the right thing. I've never fully understood the words the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak the way I do now. My flesh is so very weak."

 

As Robert dropped his head down to rest on his arms that were placed on top of the table, all three of us placed our hands on him. I was able to reach him from where I was sitting, but I learned closer and rested my head against his upper arm and pleaded with Yah for Him to grant me wisdom in what to do or say.

 

Marcus was on the other side, and he grabbed hold of Robert's other arm and held it before closing his eyes. Samuel stood from his seat and placed himself behind the man who had just shared the Truth of his struggles and was visibly broken by the weight of his confession. The older gentleman spread his hand out over Robert's upper back and lifted his other hand and face upward, where he called out to Yahuah.

 

   "O' Mighty Father, O' Heavenly Creator, Master of all things, we come together asking for Your strength. This path is only hard because the world is so far from You, but Your hand will never lose It's strength, and You watch over Your sheep. You already know, and we trust You are working. We give You thanks for hearing us when we cry out to You. Help us to fully rely on You and You alone. In the mighty name of Yahusha, we lift our brother before You and leave Him in Your hands."