"Elizabeth"

 

 

   "Do you ever feel like we've somehow entered into a different realm or something? The people around here seem to be out of their ever lovin' minds now-a-days, I'm tellin' ya." my boss Benny mumbled out loud to no one in particular, as he shook his head. "That boy wanted me to actually shut the place down to the public so he could propose to his girlfriend in front of a camera crew, but he didn't think he should have to compensate this fine establishment-his words, for the business we'd lose."   

 

I began working full time at Benny's once the church and school transitioned into whatever mess it is now. Benny may have been frustrated with the entitlement he had encountered but the fact that his overall complaint fit the broad spectrum of what in the world has been going on in Spring View, so I nodded and offered him an understanding grin.

 

   "I think that's Jace Jenkins. He a social media influencer." Poppy, one of the waitresses that's been working at Benny's the longest chimed in.

 

   "I don't give a lick who he is, but how do you know that anyways?" Benny shot back and I must admit, I was curious to know the answer myself. 

 

   "My granddaughter talks nonstop about Jace & Janey, so when he first strolled in acting all important and what not, I looked him up." she shared, and I felt a little better about the fact that I had been oblivious.

 

I really wasn't one to get caught up in all that social media stuff. I never got into it really. I mean sure, I have a Facebook account, but I check it maybe three or four times a month. I just don't think every detail of a person's life needs to be broadcasted for the whole world to see, but that's just me. 

   "So, what's that supposed to mean to me? Do you think I should have let him have his way?" Benny scoffed, unsure of what he should do.

 

   "I don't really know about all of that stuff. Let me call the expert." Poppy informed and called her granddaughter on speaker.

 

After her initial squeal and OMG's, Molly tried her best to explain to everyone what just happened.

 

   "Listen to me. I'm serious, Mr. Benny…Jace & Janey have over 30 million followers on Insta and even more than that on the Toc so, you need to get him back there and say yes to whatever he wants. I'll come and handle the PR for you, if you want." Molly begged with clear urgency to which Benny pushed back, clearly hoping to understand what was taking placing.

 

   "How does that do me any good? I don't know a thing about um' and closing the restaurant down so the folks that live here can't eat seems like a poor decision to me." Benny voiced his uncertainty, and while I may not understand all the hype of social media in general, I know that having that many people care about you enough to follow you means free advertisement that would have the ability to reach worldwide. The pros in this case would definitely outweigh the cons that Benny was seeing.

 

   "I've been trying to get you to grow your social media presence, but this will get you out there and noticed better than anything I could have come up with on my own. Please, please let me take the reins on this. Trust me, this could be huge for Benny's. I'm telling you this single thing has the potential of setting things up so you can finally retire comfortably." Molly insisted. Noticing the time, I let my boss know I would open up and take care of things so that he could finish consulting with Molly in his office. Poppy and I just shook our heads at the absurdity of it all and readied ourselves for the early bird lunch crowd. 

 

 

   "You wanna tell me why I haven't seen that handsome husband of yours in here like usual. Is everything okay, hon?" Poppy asked as she brought the printed online orders to the kitchen window.

 

   "I…" I started but had no idea how to continue let alone finish. I didn't want to lie, but I also didn't want to get into it either. I had no idea what was happening with my life and as much as I hated to admit it, I was in no way, okay.

 

   "Oh, Elizabeth. I had no idea something was brewin' up between y'all." She tried to console as she pulled me in for a hug.

 

   "It is what it is. I just don't know how to answer you. The twins and I have been spending some time with the Morris's…you know my parents."

 

   'Oh, love…I am so sorry. I really had no clue. What happened, if you don't mind me being nosey. Is it about all the FCC stuff?" She questioned, and I knew she wasn't looking for tea she could spill, but was truly concerned, and wished to help if she learned that she could.

 

   "Unfortunately, yes. I feel stupid saying it, but that night blew apart my whole life." I confessed, allowing my frustration to come through.

 

   "Can I ask why it has so much power over you? I mean, I may not have all the buts and bits in my bin, and I don't mean to suggest I'm taking sides or what not, but honey, you have known me for quite some time now, so you know I'm pretty open minded; free spirited and all, so help me understand what you're thinking." Poppy pushed and I tried my best to lay things out for her.

 

   "So, what are you upset with more, the fact that you believe he has changed, or is it that you feel he is asking for you to believe in something you are adamantly rejectin'?  Maybe, I am missing something here...I really don't want to downplay what you're going through, but haven't we already been forced to admit that a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet?" I knew she didn't mean to poopoo what I was going through, she even clarified that herself, but I didn't know how else to explain what happened or make sense for others what I felt in my heart, so I simply shrugged my shoulders.

 

   "Listen, I know I am not like most of the people from this town but from where I'm standin' you both still believe in one deity. And you still both believe that said deity has a son you both call Messiah so what about the name makes it so different to you that you moved you and your young-ins out of your home when the two of you were so in love before it made those of us single people ready to join dating sites to find what y'all had?" She laid out in hopes that I'd offer her something she could actually work with.

 

   "I suppose it's all ridiculous when you don't believe in Jesus." I began before I was cut off.

 

   "Now hold on a second. I don't need to believe the same thing that you do to respect you and keep an open mind. The way I see it may be helpful to your situation since I don't have anything emotional tied to either perspective. I may not have any horses in the race, but I can still admire their beauty and stamina as they make their way toward the finish line." 

 

   "Everything about him has changed. He is following Old Testament stuff like he is one of the Jews and I don't want the twins to believe they are under a law that doesn't apply to them. I grew up in a legalistic house, and fire and brimstone ain't the way to win hearts for the Lord. My Savior, the One my husband reintroduced me to, is loving and His mercy is a gift we are given when we ask Him into our hearts. Trying to keep 613 laws He called you away from already because there's no way you can do it, is a huge step backwards, and I want no part of it." I tried to explain. Poppy nodded her head to let me know that she was following while she pulled her phone out from her back pocket.

 

   "Okay, I hear that. Is he trying to force you to do the same or judging you for not jumping on board?" she asked, while she fidgeted some more on her phone.

 

   "No, Lucas has been frustratingly patient with me. I just feel it's wrong and I want my husband back. You know the preacher man I married from the church that no longer is the same. I want my life back to the way it was. I didn't ask for this. The bible clearly warns that people will fall under this great delusion, and I won't be one of them." I answered.

 

   "Interesting. I mean, Elizabeth, your husband walked into a room and lived in such a way that everyone knew he was a man of god, and from what I'm hearing you say now, he still is only maybe now he's even more committed somehow, and whatever it is that pulled him in further or deeper you feel is perhaps a lie or as you said, delusional. Hum…" she recapped without any sort of judgement before continuing,

 

   "So, if it's the law that's making you hit the brakes what about it bothers you most?" she pushed a bit further and while I still wasn't sure how any of it could possibly help, I figured it probably wouldn't hurt either.

 

   "We aren't held to those any longer. Times have changed and Jesus nailed all of it to the cross so the focus would be on Him and not on us." I explained and was met with another nod of understanding.

 

  "If…now just hear me out for a second, if he isn't pushing you to keep the laws then how does it affect you. I mean I think I get the principle you're standing on, but this county alone has way more than 613 laws and you pay no mind to those. Now add in the laws of the great state of North Carolina, and then on top of those, how about we just try and see how many there are for the country we live in, and I'm telling you we'll be buried under them for sure. Why do these 613 particular laws draw a line for you. I'm asking only because sometimes we have a way of pushing good things off in the name of some moral high ground we believe we are called to stand on, only to find that when you take a step back, we were hyper-focused on all the wrong things." she began and paused just long enough to say the rest while she looked me in my eyes.

 

   "I know you love him, and it's clear he loves you and those kids of yours, so trust me when I tell you there's a whole lot worse than someone trying to do right in the eyes of the one they believe in. Don't let something that may turn out to be trivial destroy all the good the two of you have. We aren't meant to do life alone, and if you can find a way to compromise, I suggest you have at it, and pay no mind to the things that don't matter." she finished, and just before she grabbed a few menus and went to meet the newest group of customers that came through the door she called out, "But hey, that's just my two cents, you can take it or leave it. I honestly can't imagine walking away from all of that though, so I must really be missin' something."

 

Her words agitated me, and I ended up tossing them around in my mind for a lot longer than I would have liked to. In fact, I picked them apart my entire shift and even tried to come up with a response over and over hoping to get her to see my point, to which I found, I couldn't figure out any more to say. The only thing I ended up figuring out by the time I was in my car headed home was how confused I was, and how much I missed my husband.

I knew that my overthinking was all on me and I also knew Poppy had no intention of adding to my confusion, so when I saw my brother's Jeep in the driveway of our parents' home, I wasn't sure if I had enough fortitude to deal with him. Josh and I had always been close and became even more so since we moved to Spring View, but he was one of the ones convinced he was "awake." It was already hard enough to deal with the fact that Lucas and I were barely hanging on by a thread, but to have Josh telling me how wrong I was on top of it, was more than I could handle.

I closed my door and sighed after giving myself a mini pep talk in my car to get myself moving and reminded myself as I walked up the path that led to the front door, that the only thing I had control over was my own behavior. I also keep repeating in my mind that I loved Josh, and I missed the closeness we once had.

 

Plastering a smile on my face, I opened the door and asked the good Lord to lead.

   "Lizzie. Hey there, sweet girl," my mother, for all intents and purposes greeted with a genuine smile on her face. Her chipper disposition let me know that things were good since she and I, and maybe Robert (the verdict was still out on whether or not dad drank the Kool-Aid or not) were on the same team.

 

   "Hey, Lizzie" Josh greeted, as Robert asked, "How was work?" to which I simply answered them just enough both in words and tone, letting them know that I was glad to be home.

 

   "What have you been up to Josh?" I asked hoping to keep the peace and figured if I was kind, he might return the gesture, and we could avoid any more blow ups between the two of us.

 

   "Oh, you know, things are getting busy over on the ranch…that time of year and all. Speaking of the ranch, Butch wants to start up Friday firesides again but…hold on, he wants things like they were before. I think we could all use a bit of that don't you agree?" he said, and I tried to hold my initial thoughts back but couldn't fully stop the eye roll that revealed my hesitation.

 

After I took a deep breath I asked, "Who's all gonna be there?" and before Josh could answer, Riley and Chris came rushing in and jumped on their uncle. 

 

   "Please, momma. We want to see our friends." Chris begged.

 

   "Paleeese, we miss going to fireside. It's not just about you, you know? I miss dad, and everyone." Riley cried out, and I was not prepared for the rush of emotions that flooded me with their admission. I didn't want any of them to see me cry, especially when I had no idea why it had hit me so hard. The only thing I could chalk it up to, was the fact that I had already been all up in my head at work and was not expecting the kids to jump in on me; it was clearly just too much. Sure, I would love to live in a world where I could just leave well enough alone, forgive, forget, and move on, but this was too big for me to sweep under the carpet.

 

I ended up excusing myself for a moment and went outside on the porch. One of the best things about the Morris's home was its massive porch. It wasn't technically a wrap around since the front and back didn't actually connect but the front did extend to the left side of the house and that's where I headed in hopes of gaining some composure in private. 

 

I wiped the tears that had fallen from my face and took a few calming breaths when I heard Josh's voice from behind me.

 

   "Lizzie, how in the world did we get here." he said with such heartbrokenness that it made my tears start up again. I had been so consumed by my own emotions that I barely even gave any thought to the idea that my loved ones may be hurting too. 

 

   "Oh, Joshy, I have no clue, and I don't know how to fix it either." I got out before I dropped my head and let my tears fall. I didn't fight my brother when he turned me around and pulled me into his arm. I missed him. I missed all of them and in that moment, I simply just allowed myself to absorb and accept the love I knew was there.

 

   "I feel like I'm the bad guy. Like every single person I love thinks I'm the villain or that I'm insane." I cried out shocking myself a bit at how easily the words came out and feeling a sense of relief that they had.

 

   "No one thinks that you know. We love you Lizzie and want things to go back to the way they were. The family part isn't the same and no one likes that, you know?" Josh assured as he rubbed my back while still holding me in his arms.

 

I pulled back just enough to lean my backside against the porch railing, and asked

 

   "How does that work, who's all going to be there? Josh, Lucas and I aren't even living together anymore so how does any of this end up turning into something good?"  

 

   "You know Lizzie you've got a bad habit of believing the worst of people in order to try and protect yourself. The very thing you try to shield yourself from you end up doing to others. No one at the ranch is judging you, we all just miss you, that's all. And as far as you and Lucas, Lizzie, I know you love him, and I'm going to remind you that he loves you too, so much. No one is giving up on you two, you belong together, so wouldn't you like to let it all go for a night and just love your husband. You know there's something about those fires that keeps things cooking, so come. It's just us, the old crew. Fridays have remained that way even though it's been too long since we've all been together. I promise, if it gets to be too much you can go to my place, or I'll even drive you back here myself, but at least try." my brother said, as he placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

 

   "Lizzie, you asked how it would work, and I wish I could tell you for sure, but the only thing I know is something has got to give. I am never going to give up on this family, so we will keep trying things until something clicks, you hear me?" Josh promised and I knew as I looked into his eyes, he was telling the truth. 

 

 

"Lucas"

 

   I was actually afraid that Elizabeth wouldn't come to the ranch and as much as I hated thinking it, it was the reason I hadn't already asked her to go. I knew Josh said that he would talk to her about it and the relief I felt served as a horrible reminded of just how messed up things between my wife and I had become. Sure, her and the kids not living under the same roof as me was a flashing neon sign alerting me each second that the life I had been gifted wasn't even recognizable anymore, but hearing her potentially decline coming, was something I wasn't sure I was ready for. A part of me hoped that if she came, there was a chance for us still. 

 

 

     I was relieved when I noticed Sam's truck in the parking lot of the one-time church which was now being transformed into a resource center as well as a school. 

 

   "It's looking good." I called out to Marcus once he finished talking with the roofer. One of the first things Marcus wanted to tackle after learning the truth about the design of church buildings was to have the steeple torn off, the cross, and all of the pews removed along with the alter. Even though we didn't have any grandiose stage or platform, we did have the same flow as the majority of churches worldwide, and we wanted no part of it once our eyes had been opened to the demonic/pagan influence woven into the designs intentionally.

 

I actually considered walking away from all of it and spent many hours fasting and praying to find out what Yahuah wanted me to do. It was Samuel who played a part in setting my mind at ease and was a huge help in both suggesting ideas for the building and offering a helping hand with the remodel.

 

   "Charlie wants to get your opinion on the new flooring when you get a chance. He's in the all-purpose room finishing up the last of the trim right now if you have a moment." Jim, the general contractor said, right before heading inside himself. 

 

   "I can hardly believe how different everything is. Do you ever feel like it's all a dream?" I asked Marcus a bit more downtrodden than I meant to sound. The way he looked at me let me know that he caught what I hoped he wouldn't have and before he could push me, I offered him a smile and nodded toward Sam. Marcus squinted before shooting me a side eye glare clearly making sure I knew that I was on his radar.

 

   "Hey, Sam, I'm glad you're here. I was actually going to swing by your place later on, so you saved me the trip. Do you think we could talk for a bit?" I asked and even though I knew he would agree, I found myself feeling a bit of relief wash over me when he did.

 

   "What's up? You want to walk and talk, or would you like to go into your office?" Samuel answered and waited for me to favor a way. 

 

   "I'm not sure yet. Let's go this way and see where we end up." I threw out while choosing the sidewalk that led around the church. Once Samuel asked what was on my mind, I asked Yah to help me lay things out the best I could in hopes that he might be able to help.

 

   "I'm afraid that I am missing something. I've brought my heart and laid it at Yah's feet, or so I think I have. I've prayed, I've fasted, I've searched Scripture, and I just don't know what to do. I miss my wife, and I miss my kids, but I don't want to go against Yahuah. If He said right now that I had to let them go, it would rip me to shreds but I would do it. After feeling His love, I know there's no turning back for me, but I feel like I'm clinging to a part of my flesh that I just can't die to." I got out and hated that it was true.

 

   "Well, I believe you. Lucas, there is no way to be sure what is going to happen because your wife has free will. I will say, I don't believe you loving her is against the Most High. I have heard all about your love story, and it seems to point to Abba Yahuah, but this next part as you know is her choice. I didn't say that to rob you of hope though. What are you struggling with? I know that you have already been shown what you are to do so why do you feel you are clinging to your flesh?" Samuel asked clearly needing more information from me.

 

   'I want her to come to come home. Scripture tells me that my faith will cover her, and it says that she is the one that pretty much holds all the power as to whether or not we stay together. I don't want her to go though, Samuel. I just want to love her and show her that loving Yahuah is a life-changing thing-hum, well, I'm pretty sure she gathered that on her own already, but you know what I mean…I want her to see that this is the real deal. That all we thought was true before was just barely scratching the surface." I added before stopping altogether when I realized that what I wanted was all the things I had no control over.

 

   "Lucas, I can't imagine how you feel. I do have a question for you…what has Yahuah shown you?" he asked in a way that seemed to speak to my spirit. I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly before sharing the things that had been revealed to me.

 

   "I think Yah showed me why…well, at least my part in it. Before I learned the Truth, I believed I was living my life completely for the Most High, but unintentionally I let Him slip from my number one spot to easily my second and sometimes even third or fourth if you add the twins. I was convinced I had it all figured out. I loved my life, but I felt myself in what seemed like all good things, begging Yah not to take them from me. I knew they were a gift, and I thanked Him always for them, but they came first in my heart. I honestly didn't know it until He showed me, and it broke my heart to learn how much I lied to myself while it was happening. Being a pastor was something I truly loved, and I spent a lot of time with my Creator, and yet, despite my love for Him, I started to build up my treasure right in my own home. The blessings He gave me; I placed above Him in ways that until my marriage gotten shaken up like a snow-globe I didn't even realize what I'd done."

 

   "It's a hard lesson but a beautiful gift when He allows us to see what He sees. I learned to appreciate the lesson and even the discipline because it's proof that He loves us. Think about your own children. It's out of love that you teach them right from wrong, and it's out of love that you dish out consequences and punishment even, when they break the rules. I say that now, knowing it's not as easy when you're knee deep in the lesson. Still, hold on to the hope and consider it a precious reminder that Yahuah only disciplines the ones He loves, and He chastises every son whom He receives."

 

   I took comfort in the familiar words of Hebrews 12:6 and smiled at my newest mentor. 

 

   "My wife and I often talk about and praise Yahuah for the abundant gift He has given to this community. I am sure you have been shown that isn't usually the case." Samuel shared, and to be honest I hadn't fully figured out how fortunate we were. 

 

   "I shamefully must admit, I've had a bit of tunnel-vision as of late. I have received more angry emails, nasty phone calls, text messages begging me to come back to the truth I used to preach before I burn in hell, and when it happens in my home that no longer has my wife and children in it, let's just say, I have a new appreciation for what it means when it says the world will hate me." I admitted truthfully.  

 

   "So, you see the Truth unfolding before your eyes. It's not easy but He did promise it would be worth it in the end. I want to share what I see. First, I need to tell you that I've never seen such a large group of people embrace the Truth and enter into covenant with the Most High like I have since meeting all of you. I believe that is because Yahuah placed you all together knowing your hearts were already searching for Him. Many people come to the Truth and are rejected by their loved ones, like you are dealing with with Elizabeth. It's not easy to face the Truth when the lie is taught as being easy. As for wanting your wife back home with you, I understand. It's one of the reasons why I can't bring myself to leave my own community. I know what they say about me, and I don't let it get to me anymore because if I leave them, they will have no one there to show them the Truth. You have to learn to allow the Ruach to lead you when it comes to your wife. Yahusha tells us to brush the sand off of our sandals for a reason. If we continue to live our lives as Yahuah instructs us to, no matter what, our actions will speak louder than any words we speak." Samuel offered and a couldn't help but laugh a little.

 

   "I spent so many years talking. So many years adding to the lies of the church. I have begged Yah to forgive me for all the people I led astray, but I can't help but feel guilty sometimes." I confessed to which Samuel redirected.

 

   "Lucas, that is not of Yahuah. That is the workings of the deceiver, you know that. Yahuah doesn't pile guilt on us, He convicts, and I have witnessed you repent, but I need to point out that you were not preaching lies to your congregation. I heard the things you taught, and while you were unaware of the deceit you still lived and taught that the whole book mattered. You didn't teach a lawless faith even before you were shown who you were and why it all mattered. Your brother-in-law was even sharing how Yahuah's laws were good before you learned His Name. He was working on all of you and unlike so many, you embraced His Truth and chose to walk in His ways. HalleluYah! When you feel these thoughts call them out as lies and dismiss them. Remind yourself that Yahuah goes before you and you are His. Remember, you can't punish yourself for what you didn't know before you learned it."

 

   "Thank you, brother. I am sorry, Yahuah. Please forgive me." I said looking up toward the heavens before asking Samuel to pray with me.

 

~~~

 

   I sent Liz a text to ask if she was busy and when she let me know she was free I called her.

 

   "Lucas?" she answered and despite the situation we were in, I smiled and told her how much I loved hearing her voice. 

 

   "How are you doing?" I asked, hating the tension between us, but wanting to know how she was regardless.

 

   "I'm okay. How are you?" she returned and even though I was a bit worried she would push me away, I told her the truth.

 

   "I miss you. Please, come tomorrow night. Let me hold you, let's dance and have dinner, and laugh together like all the other Friday firesides we've shared together." 

 

   "I'm afraid, Lucas."

 

Oh…her words, the crack in her voice reminded me of the broken girl I fell in love with years ago and I wanted nothing more than to kiss away the tears I knew were falling down her cheeks.

 

   "It's okay, beautiful, really. Can you tell me what you're afraid of?" I tried to sooth as I silently willed her to open up.

 

   "What if things aren't good. What if all we learn is that there's no hope for us, and and…" she stuttered before stopping as a sob she was clearly trying to hold back, broke through.

 

   "Oh, Liz…would it help any if I told you I was afraid to even ask you if you'd come for the same reason, but here's something I hope will help…I was afraid because if you didn't come, I wouldn't be able to show you how much I love you. What you're afraid of I can assure you won't happen because Elizabeth, if you come, you'll see that we work We already learned that years ago thought, nothing has changed. Even though things have been pretty heavy, we've already done heavy together and we can do it again because that's what we do for the ones we love, and I love you." I pleaded before holding my breath as I waited for her reply.

 

   "I love you, too, Lucas. It isn't about that you know." she cried out, and before she could figure out a way to talk herself out of coming to the ranch, I insisted that she hold on to the love.

 

   "Okay…thank you. But let's table the rest for one night. Let's just love one another…that part we've got down. The rest doesn't need to be there. If you just give me a chance, I promise it will be just like it has always been. I'm still the same guy you married, and I know you are the same woman I was gifted to be my incredible wife…let me show you, please." I begged completely unashamed.

 

   "Oh, Lucas…what am I going to do with you?" she sighed and even though she didn't verbally agree to go to the fireside gathering, I knew in my heart that she would be there.

 

 

 

 

"Elizabeth"  

 

 

     "Have you made up your mind yet, do you think you are going to go?" my mom asked as I added some milk and honey to my tea before joining her at the table.

 

   "I wish it wasn't so hard to decide. I mean, I miss him, but I really am afraid that tonight will only prove that things are over between us. You know I never believed in divorce, this is not what I wanted for me or the kids but, how do I make this work?"

 

   "Lizzie, Lucas is a good man, and he loves Riley and Chris as if they were his own flesh and blood. You know I am on your side with the rest but people with different beliefs make it work all the time, so you need to decide if you love him enough to save your marriage. He doesn't want a divorce, and he will never let you go without a fight, so I suggest you see if there's something worth it for you to fight alongside of him." Julie offered and even though I was pretty sure she didn't mean it to sound the way my heart was taking it, I pushed back a little in defense.

 

   "Oh…well, I didn't really expect that from you. I'm not trying to be difficult. If this is about me and the kids being here…" 

 

   "No, that's not it and I am not trying to argue with you. Look at me, Lizzie…" she cut me off and waited for me to make eye contact before she continued.

 

   "Elizabeth Walker, I love you and my grandchildren with all of my heart, and you can stay here for however long you need to, but I know you are miserable without him, and so are they. Sweetheart, marriage isn't all sunshine and rainbows, it's rainy days and blizzards. Just because the weather comes unexpected sometimes doesn't mean you should haul off and camp by yourself in the woods. The one thing I have learned in this life is that it is always easier when you grab a hold of your husband's hand and you face the storm together."

 

The storms she faced made the one I was in the midst of seem like nothing more than a mist. I knew she wasn't trying to make me feel any worse than I had been, I've grown quite talented at serving myself dish after dish of why, how, and what are you doing...that I wasn't sure how to stop us from burning completely.

​

~~~

 

 

   I kind of feel the need to change the title at this point. The current one fits but I think Let It Burn may be better suited for the next part…or maybe Where There's Smoke There's Fire, I suppose you can decide for yourself.

 

 

Fireside at the Ranch
"Elizabeth"

 

 

     It's still me...

 

     I'm sure those of you who feel you've been awakened are probably wishing it was anyone else, but as it turns out you're stuck with me. My opinion matters, and from where I am sitting, mine is the one that has more to back it up. 

Anyway, I wasn't sure if I was going to go to the ranch until I was in my car after I finished my shift at Benny's.

 

Talking to Lucas, wasn't really what caused me to change my mind. Sure, I missed him, but that phone call wasn't some divine enlightening where I just learned it to be true. I love Lucas, with all of my heart, and the fact that we don't even live under the same roof anymore hasn't changed that. I wish I could find a way to explain the way I feel so that it made sense, but I don't really loose too much sleep over what people think about me anymore. And it was because of my husband I learned to free myself from the weight of worrying about other people's opinions in the first place. Lucas reminded me that the only opinion that mattered was the One that knit me together in my mother's womb, so that's where I placed my focus. That, and being a mom while working 50+ hours each week. 

   The Morris's house wasn't exactly near Stolt Ranch however, there's only one road to choose from when you leave Benny's, and it runs East and West. Both options, were to the west.

 

After I listened to some seriously old country, which that in itself should say something about where my mind was (I'm the triple R girl…rap, ragga, and R & B-remember). As I was saying, after belting out Lonesome Dove by Trisha Yearwood (for the umpteenth time), I ended up making a right toward the Ranch instead of the left which would have taken me home.

 

   I wasn't at all surprised when I parked my car and noticed Lucas making his way over to me with one of his heart-stopping smiles spread on his face. That smile, since the first time I saw it has had the ability to melt my heart in ways I still wasn't sure it was supposed to be able to do, and I'm convinced nothing will change that.

 

   Lucas's smile, knowing that the twins were there, and truly wanting what Josh and I talked about on our parent's porch had me clinging to hope there'd somehow be a way we could all just put aside our differences even if only for that night. 

 

   The thing is, I missed all of them.

 

I missed my nieces and nephews, my extended and god-gifted family, I missed the Stolts, and all of the ranch-dwellers. Whenever I thought about all the time that has been stolen from us, it hurt nearly as much as losing Christopher. Almost, but what I was clinging to right before I readied myself to get out of my car was that the people there were still on this side of the grave and I prayed that would be enough for us to figure something out. 

 

   "Hey beautiful." Lucas greeted as he opened my car door at the same time, I went to open it myself.

 

Before I could even say anything back to him, he pulled me into his arms and asked how my day was as if our marriage wasn't hanging on by a thread. I closed my eyes and breathed him in and loved the way I felt in that moment because it felt the same as it always had. Lucas was my safe place, my gift from God, so, with his arms around me, I chose to live in the present and begged my Heavenly Father that nothing would ruin our night.

​

   "It was long." I answered truthfully and couldn't help but chuckle when Lucas spun himself around so he could pick me up and piggyback me toward the large crowd of our loved ones. 

​

   "Well, let's get you something to eat and drink then. Oooh, would ya' look at that, a chair right by the fire is empty and it seems to have your name on it. You sit, and I'll take care of the rest." Lucas said, as he carried me toward the empty seat. 

​

   "Hey Lizzie. So glad you were able to make it…" came at me in way of greeting from pretty much all of the people there (in some way or another), and I gave thanks that the awkwardness I was afraid of was nowhere to be found (and prayed it wouldn't make an appearance later).

​

   "Momma, can I go swimming in the lake with everyone please, please, please?" my son begged, just as my husband was making his way over with a plate of food for me. 

​

   "Hey, Chris. My day was good, how was yours? Oh, it was good, momma." I gave my son a hard time, before asking him for more details, and thanking Lucas for the food. I offered my husband a genuine smile when he sat down on the ground beside me.

​

   "Take a breath, Chris. Mom just wants to know what's going on, she just got here." Lucas interjected and then filled me in on the details (Chris forgot to mention), before asking if I wanted to go too.

​

   "Um, it sounds to me like it's a boy thing and I don't have a swimsuit, so I think I'll pass, but as for you, Chris, yes, you can go. Please listen to the adults and be nice to your cousins. They look up to you." I gave my permission and the second I finished, Chris was off and running, thanking me over his shoulder. 

​

   "Do you want to swim? You can you know." I asked Luke and when he looked up at me with his Lucas smile, letting me know he'd rather dance with me by fire, I met his lips for a kiss with a smile of my own.

     

     It was nice being at the ranch again and I was grateful that nothing seemed to be different. A part of me (as much as I didn't want to admit it) believed that wouldn't be the case, because I couldn't figure out how to get things back to the way they used to be. The only thing I could come up with after spending the night with my loved ones was that love has a way of conquering things when you focus your attention on the love instead of the things. 

​

   After the sun was no longer shining and most of the group was relaxing around the fire, I ended up sitting on my husband's lap. Being in his arms and having him just hold me felt just like it always had and caused the butterflies in my stomach to take flight, forcing me to focus my intentions on stopping the tears that were readying themselves to fall. Lucas ran the back side of his hand down my cheek, clearly catching one of the runaways and leaned down next to my ear to ask me if I would dance with him. Not trusting my voice, I simply nodded and got off his lap where he pulled me into his arms after he stood. Our bodies swayed to the beat of the music playing, and in that moment all I could think about is the fact that I never wanted the night to end.

 
   "I love you, Elizabeth. Thank you" Lucas whispered so close to my ear that he gave me goosebumps.

​

   "I'm not sure why you're thanking me, I should be the one thanking you. I really had a nice time tonight." I admitted honestly and was met with a kiss I hadn't been aware I needed until I was swept up in it entirely.

​

   Lucas lifted me into his arms and carried me just far enough that the two of us could have a little privacy and asked me if I would come home with him. When I looked up without answering he started to plead his case.

​

   "The kids are staying here, we just had a really good night that I do not want to end, and listen, I'm not ashamed to admit that I miss you being home with me. Just give it a try and see how you feel in the morning, please." 

​

   I'm not sure if it was the way his voice strained when he added the please, or if it was the look in his eye that allowed me to see the desperation my husband was feeling, but I ended up nodding my head while hoping I wasn't making a huge mistake. 

​

​

​

"Lucas"

​

​

    I wasn't sure if Liz would agree to come home with me, but I wanted nothing more. After spending time with Yahuah, truly seeking His wisdom on what and how I should handle things with my wife, I just knew that the two of us living in separate homes wasn't the answer.

 

   I understood that she needed time to grieve the loss of Christopher all over again, and I knew that she had to deal with what she believed was me betraying her in a sense when I couldn't give her the answers, she was demanding me to give.

 

If there were any hope of the two of us working things out, we needed to be united; at least in choosing to fight for our marriage. The rest, I really didn't believe was a case of being unequally yoked. I knew with all I had in me that Liz believed in the Most-High she was just struggling with His name. I knew she believed in our Savior but again, the stuff she had been taught to believe her entire life (like the rest of us around that fire, and so many others) was too much for her to see around or beyond.

 

And while I knew deep in my soul that if she continued to outright reject the Truth there would be consequences, I also believed that my response to the Truth would be a better testimony than my words ever could, and I trusted the Ruach would teach me exactly what to do and what to say.

 

   I leaned down and kissed my wife again when her nod let me know she was willing to give it a try, and I had to exercise some serious self-control as she all but melted in my arms like she always had before.  

 

   "Do you want to go spend some more time with everyone, or do you want me to take you home now, Mrs. Walker?" I asked once I was able to pull myself away from her lips long enough to get the words out.

 

   "Uh, well…Lucas. What happens if things get…" Elizabeth tried to reason, but there was no way I was going to let her talk her way out of coming home with me where she belonged.

 

   "No, nope, it's not going to happen. Liz, you belong in our bed beside me. We have already proven that you and I are meant to be more than once and throughout all the years I have been fortunate enough to be able to call you, my wife. Nothing is going to happen apart from me reminding you of just how much I love you and then holding you in my arms as you sleep beside me until we wake up and I show you all over again." I returned before I leaned down and kissed her neck, right below her earlobe. 

 

Responding to my kiss exactly how I thought she would, she groaned out, "Oh boy, I'm not sure if this is a good idea but you make it really hard for me to refuse." 

 

   "Then don't. Come home with me, you'll see it's where you belong." I stated hoping she would give up her fight and agree. And she did. She didn't want to go right away, and I was okay with her decision to stay. I wanted to believe that fireside would be the answer to how to fix our fractured family, and I was pleasantly surprised by just how much that turned out to be true. Our group was stronger together, and I knew that in time, we would find our way again. After all, we were all searching for the Truth and we all knew that love was a big part of finding it.

 

~~~

 

   "Do you want to drive?" Elizabeth asked when she was ready to leave. I was grateful that I hitched a ride with Marcus because my wife could talk herself out of things so easily now just like she used to when we first met, and I knew if she had to drive alone, she would have gone to the Morris's.

 

   "Nope, I'd like to just look at you from the passenger seat and admire how the dashboard lights up your beautiful face." I answered as I led her to the driver's side door and once, she unlocked it, I opened it for her to get in. The way she looked up at me when she was seated behind the wheel, brought back the memories of that girl who was ready to face the world alone, afraid to let people in no matter how much it broke her inside.

 

While the feelings of wanting to set her mind at ease resurfaced inside me, I tried to remind myself that this time we have history on our side. There's six years of getting to know her, learning the things that will help, as well as, learning the things that will push her away.

 

I don't believe we will ever come to a place where we have learned all we can about a person, and in truth, it's one of the reason many couples end up calling it quits. It's easy to get complacent, it's easy to hit a plateau and give just enough hoping things will stay the same at least. But, in a relationship, things staying the same should never be the goal. People change therefore we need to adapt to those changes and grown with them, or else we will find that the same rules that once applied no longer fit.

 

That being said, I pulled out one of the things that always made her smile and winked right before I closed her door and jogged over to my side of the vehicle to let myself in. Grinning, just as I hoped she would, Liz simply shook her head and started the car.

 

   Woah!" she exclaimed as she made quick work of turning down the volume of a Trisha Yearwood song that I loved hearing Liz sing whenever she would get lost in its words. Elizabeth still caught a case of nerves whenever people were around that might hear her belting out a tune. But just like how Josh let me in on the trick to catching her before she and I got married, I learned that living with her provided ample opportunities for me to catch her each time she got swept away. Knowing my wife, I learned in that moment that her decision to show up must have been even harder than I originally imagined it would be.

 

Country music wasn't Elizabeth's go to, and that particular song is one that is just as much beautiful as it is heartbreaking. Choosing to focus on the fact that she showed up, had a good time, and was going to our home, I pushed away the heartbreak and focused on making the rest of our night together one that would bring her back to me.

​

~~~

 

    My wife is beautiful.

 

I figure that out the moment I laid eyes on her in the parking lot the first day we met and has become even more so each day ever since, and I loved whenever I got a chance to catch one of her bashful moments. Being able to visually witness her light up from the inside and then watch as her joy or happiness spread on to her face was something I looked forward to and never took for granted.

 

As beautiful as my wife is, she apparently has no clue. She notices the beauty in others, but she gets blinded by what she believes to be flaws in herself that I have made it my mission to make sure she knows just how wrong she is. It's one of the reasons why I call her beautiful as often as I can without overdoing it. I believe Liz is the most beautiful girl ever created and for some wonderful reason, I was gifted the chance to not only get to know her but to be able to look at her physical beauty each day and see that what's on the inside is just as beautiful.

 

A smile worked its way onto my face when I realized that my stubborn wife stayed put and waited for me to open her door after she parked in out driveway. She knew it was something I liked to do and the only time she would hop out before I go the chance to was when there was a storm brewing inside her. It was like my own little mood barometer and the fact that she not only waited but was giving me her I don't know what to do with you Lucas looks, had me lifting her right up out of her seat and into my arms where I kissed nearly every square inch of her face.

​

Instead of telling her how much I missed her I put her down and grabbed ahold of her hand where I walked with her up the stairs and led her into our bedroom. I didn't want to give her time to overthink things I just wanted to show her how much I loved her and wanted her beside me.

 

The moment our lips met, I tried my best to continue kissing her and only stopped long enough to tell her, I love you.

 

Elizabeth ended up falling asleep in my arms and as her steady breath blew out across my chest, I thanked my Heavenly Father for the chance He had given me with my wife, and I prayed He would help me figure out how to love her while above all else honoring Him.